Hope For the Future/PTSD

The entire family is affected when a family member experiences physical or psychological trauma and suffers posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result . Although the trauma was directly experienced by only one family member, other family members may experience shock, fear, anger, and pain in their own unique ways simply because they care about and are connected to the survivor. Living with someone who has PTSD does not cause PTSD, but it can produce "vicarious" traumatization because whether the family members live together or apart, PTSD affects each member of the family in several ways with feelings of hurt, alienation, frustration, or discouragment to name a few. If the survivor loses interest in family or intimate activities and is easily angered or emotionally distant and detached, the rest of the family often ends up feeling angry or distant toward the survivor, especially if he or she seems unable to relax and be companionable without being irritable, tense, anxious, worried, distractible, or controlling, overprotective, and demanding.

Even if the trauma occurred years ago, survivors may act as if the event never stopped happening. They are on-guard, easily startled or enraged. Family members can find themselves avoiding activities or people and becoming isolated from each other and from friends outside the family. They may feel that they have no one to talk to, and that no one can understand. Having a cooperative discussion with the survivor about important plans and decisions for the future, can be difficult because that loved one feels that there is no hope or future to look forward to. Listening and concentrating is difficult for them when they are distracted, tense, anxious, or because they become angry and suspicious toward others. In discussions about personal or family problems, the trauma survivor can become either controlling, demanding, or overprotective or unreasonably anxious and fearful about problems becoming terrible catastrophes.

The other family members may become overinvolved with their children's lives due to feeling lonely and in need of some positive emotional feedback, or they may feel that the partner can't be counted on as a reliable and responsible parent. The partner may also feel that they must be the sole caregiver to their children, if the survivor is uninvolved with their children, (often due to trauma-related anxiety or guilt) or is overly critical, angry, or even abusive. They may find their sleep disrupted by the trauma survivor's sleep problems (reluctance to sleep at night, restlessness while sleeping, severe nightmares, or episodes of violent "sleepwalking." And they may find themselves depressed as well.

Trauma survivors with PTSD often struggle with intense anger or rage, and can have difficulty coping with an impulse to lash out verbally or physically -- especially if their trauma involved physical abuse or assault, war, domestic or community violence, or being humiliated, shamed and betrayed by people they needed to trust. Family members can feel frightened of and betrayed by the survivor, despite feeling love and concern.

Addiction exposes family members to emotional, financial, and (less often, but not uncommonly) domestic violence problems. Survivors experiencing PTSD may seek relief or escape through alcohol, nicotene or other drugs, or through addictive behaviors such as gambling, workaholism, overeating or refusing to eat (bulimia and anorexia). The survivor is dependent ("hooked") on the habit or behavior and can't cope without it. Being judgemental and punitive only adds to the anxiety and makes the addictive behavior worse.

Trauma survivors with PTSD are more likely to think about and attempt suicide than other people who are not suffering from PTSD. For the family there is good and bad news in this respect. The good news is that very few trauma survivors, even those with PTSD, actually attempt or complete suicide. The bad news is that family members often must deal with the survivor's feelings of discouragement, depression, and self-blame and loathing.

What can families of trauma survivors with PTSD do to care for themselves and the survivor? As a family member, I advise, take care of yourself first. You cannot give water to a thirsty soul if the well is dry. Cultivate first and foremost your relationship with your Heavenly Father, make sure that vertical relationship is always firmly maintained. Find a supporive church family with an open mind and heart. Go, attend, even if your significant other won't. You need the support if you are going to be theirs through this storm. Find others and network through grassroots organizations such as Nami, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Become an advocate, you do not need to hide or be ashamed or lurk in the shadows. You would be amazed at how many other families are suffering silently and trying to "keep up appearances", don't worry about what other people think. Remember that it can happen to anyone given the circumstance, "there but for the grace of God go I". Take care of yourself, read a book, exercise, have a cup of coffee with someone you care about. Talk to a counselor for support, even if your loved one won't go, you go, for you. Think of it as a mental health spa. If there is an addiction problem there are groups like AA and Narcotics Anonymous to name a few. God will guide you through this wilderness, trust in Him.

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.-Jeremiah 29:13

We cannot do great things on this earth. We can only do small things with great love. -- Mother Teresa