Praying Our Goodbyes, letting go

A friend of mine, Rev. Gretchen Hulse, emailed me the other day asking if I had a copy of a book by Joyce Rupp calls, Praying Our Goodbyes. I did not have the book but my interest was piqued as Gretchen has good taste in authors, so a web search was begun. Joyce Rupp has a web site, http://www.joycerupp.com/ and this prayer was posted there. Joyce Rupp hit the nail on the head in regards to capturing the essence of the push pull that occurs during transitions in this prayer. My particular transitions? Losing my mother and brother four years ago and preparing for retirement in a year, starting then a new career...finding my new calling? My daughter just graduated from college yesturday, a joy, and will be leaving next week for another university, a joy and sadness. The same daughter played a role in Fiddler on the Roof years ago. The "Papa" sings, " Sunrise, sunet, swiftly fly the years. One season following another, laden with happiness and tears."

Closing from Prayer of One Who Feels Lost

Dear God,
why do I keep fighting you off?
One part of me wants you desparately,
another part of me unknowingly
pushes you back and runs away.

What is there in me that
so contradicts my desire for you?
These transition days, these passage ways,
are calling me to let go of old securities,
to give myself over into your hands.

Like Jesus who struggled with the pain
I, too, fight the "let it all be done."
Loneliness, lostness, non-belonging,
all these hurts strike out at me,
leaving me pained with this present goodbye.

I want to be more but I fight the growing.
I want to be new but I hang unto the old.
I want to live but I won't face the dying.
I want to be whole but cannot bear
to gather up the pieces into one.

Is it that I refuse to be out of control,
to let the tears take their humbling journey,
to allow my spirit to feel its depression,
to stay with the insecurity of "no home"?

Now is the time. You call to me,
begging me to let you have my life,
inviting me to taste the darkness
so I can be filled with the light,
allowing me to lose my direction
so that I will find my way home to you.

---Joyce Rupp
Praying Our Goodbyes

Happy Mothers Day