The new year had begun and it seemed, like standing before a locked threshold with no window to peer through, no doorman to request an entrance inside. What was beyond the door? One would imagine warmth, a hearth with a crackling fire, and a table set with a meal and good company, safety, the sanctuary of a place. On the streets it had been catch as can, belonging nowhere, sleeping in doorways until shooed away and hoping for a scrap of something to sustain. Gnawing hunger and cold on the street served with a side of loneliness and fear. 

My husband was told he could not come back until he was "all better". He had sworn at an usher in our church who refused to let him leave when he was upset. My husband begged the man to step aside so he could pass through the door and go home but the usher said "No, I can see you are upset, tell me about it and we will pray." One blocking the doorway, one pleading to leave to get medication to take care of a medical condition that had arisen. "No" So in desperation my husband swore, the man jumped aside in surprise and my husband went home. 

The following day my husband met with the pastor and explained what happened and apologized for swearing. The pastor then explained that he "knew all about PTSD" and that my husband could come back to church when "He was all better". The door to our church home was closed to my husband and might as well have been to me. How could I continue to attend a church my husband was not allowed to attend until he was "fine".

We waited a year. I continued with the ministry I was engaged in on behalf of the church   praying for reconciliation, a new minister arrived. I met and then my husband met with her. Forgiveness,grace, mercy were not extended. Evidently swearing once in the lobby of the church, with no priors, was unforgiveable. 

I wrote a letter of resignation from the ministry I had been engaged in and joined my husband on the outside looking in. The Church universal is hemorraging membership annually. Our situation was totally avoidable. This story continues as I pray and seek God for new direction and purpose within or without the organized church. Currently my husband and I have been attending a small local church that has been very welcoming. We havn't joined. We are like divorcees who would prefer to live together unmarried than risk the committment of the ceremony at the moment. We shall see, time will tell.

We all fall down....

"Every one of us has had some sort of experience of leaving home, of responding to a call, of having to leave something or someone behind to journey in fidelity to who we are."
This was one of the statements on the Creighton university online Ignatian retreat for week 19 that I just opened yesturday. I was trying to catch a glimpse of a leaf releasing from a tree as I was walking My dog under the maples on the college campus near my home when a flock of geese flew over head followed then by a "murder" of crows; all answering a call I could not  hear but they could. 

Soon the landscape in this snow belt region will be bare and grey, actually by the end of this month. If the trees don't release their leaves and travel " light" through the winter season their branches will be stripped off by the heavy ice and snow. They might not recover from the damage. As I wondered what I needed to release this coming season, I ran into a few people with whom I realized I had not forgiven for what had happened in the past. God issued an ultimatum, it was time, to let that go. Let the anger and hurt go. 

Divine insight flooded my thoughts for a moment, a moment of grace. I don't have to let these folks back into my life, but they are forgiven, I have done it. God knows, I know, they know what happened and Grace has covered it. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.  I can finally be at peace. 

Lies, Lies,Dreams, Dreams

Lies, Lies,Dreams, Dreams

                                           El Lahun, Pyramid of Senusret II, Egypt

                                           Photographer: Einsamer Schütze

A pagan Pharoah, believed to be Senusret II, slept fitfully. A troubling dream woke him and caused him deep concern. Even in the morning it was still vivid, not like the other crazy dreams he had that always vanished with the morning light. This one was different and hauntingly different. Over breakfast he spoke to his staff about this and the possible meaning. Something he ate or an omen? 

Through a series of inquiries the royal assistants learned about Joseph’s ability to accurately interpret dreams and sent for him to appear before Pharoah. Where was Joseph summoned from? A place called rock bottom or the pits, a jail cell; unjustly incarcerated by a false accusation. 

A lie sold Joseph into slavery, another false witness led to his incarceration. 

                                           Egyptian Bronze Age Prisoners

God spoke to a king who revered Horus, Anubis and Ra through a dream interpreted by a Hebrew prisoner. God used a pagan king to elevate this prisoner from a Bronze Age jail. Two men met by Divine appointment. Two nations saved from famine, Joseph and family reconciled. (Genesis 41)

Jesus, late Iron age rabbi, was also lied about, mocked, crucified then sealed in a tomb.  It was hoped that with the closing of the stone seal on the grave opening that the mouth of the teacher would be silenced forever. God used a former prostitute to discover that the rabbi had risen from the dead. "Mary don't touch me," Jesus said when Mary Magdalene naturally reached out to him. " I have not yet returned to my Father," the Living Christ replied. She was charged to go and tell the Good News to the grieving disciples, Mary the woman who would have been stoned for adultery from whom demons were driven out became Mary, the first evangelist,  John 20:15-18.

Because of lies, deceit, mockery or abuse the potential given us by God may be bound in grave wrappings and sealed.  Hopes, dreams trampled on the ground by the very people who proclaim righteousness but pile on stones of judgement. Jesus proclaimed he came to set the captive free. A rocky tomb sealed with a boulder could not silence Christ. God has the final Word. Believe, Mary did.

Luke 4:14-20

4 Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about him spread through the whole countryside. 15 He was teaching in their synagogues, and everyone praised him.

16 He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. He stood up to read, 17 and the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written:

18 “The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
    because he has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
    and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
19 

    to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

A New Year Covenant Prayer

The Covenant Prayer From John Wesley's Covenant Service , 1780,

"I am no longer my own, but thine.
Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed by thee or laid aside for thee, exalted for thee or brought low for thee.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, thou art mine, and I am thine.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen.

While many superstitiously eat black eyed peas for prosperity or noodles for long life in the New year, devout Methodists have been prone to invoke the Holy Spirit with a Covenant Prayer and service. John Wesley issued a pamphlet in 1780, entitled: The Directions for Renewing our Covenant with God. The Covenant prayer included in this pamphlet appeared in most Methodist writings in Britain but was excluded from the Sunday Service of the Methodists in North America, published in 1784 by Wesley for his followers in the new United States. As a result, the Covenant Prayer became a common part of the service in the Methodist churches of the British Commonwealth but the covenant service is little known in the States. This is unfortunate because the covenant prayer and service are considered to be one of the most distinctive contributions of Methodism, and used from time to time throughout the holy catholic church. Ignoring the Wesleyan Covenant Prayer and Service is tantamount to ignoring olive oil and garlic in they're role in southern Italian cuisine. The Covenant Prayer and Service add a special flavour to our spiritual identity as a denomination.

My personal interest in the covenant Prayer? Our bishop was due to come for a Covenant Renewal service but as we have had almost three feet of snow in the last seventy two hours and many were traveling, it was deemed best to cancel. I would have missed the service regardless as my employment obligations conflicted with the timing, but nonetheless I have prayed the prayer, meant it and am still scratching my head as to what exactly I am being called to do besides what I am already doing. It's a clear as mud, or as the name of this blog, a smokey quartz crystal. Blessings to you this brand new year.